a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
