Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
