what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
