So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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