And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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