Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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