i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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