Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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