We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
