Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
