Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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