I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The adults are the big ones right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
