Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
