You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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