think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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