why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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