I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
