It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
