So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize