Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
