I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
