You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
