***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
