New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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