Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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