Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
