Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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