theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize