no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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