Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
