ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize