im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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