i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
