i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
