You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
