I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
