You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
cat food counts as protein by the way
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
