She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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