if you like me you must not know who I am
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
