Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
