I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
youre lurking in front of me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
