C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its liver damage thursday
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