A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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