i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
