I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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