Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
