it hurts more in the daytime
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
