: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
where am i from again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
