i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
