I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
