I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
