Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
