There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
