Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
