I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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