Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
