God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
