You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
