i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
