HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
