whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wish my penis had a tongue
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
