Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize