I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
