the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
