Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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