toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i came on her dog
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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