and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize