How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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