Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize