woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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