I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
