I'm jealous of your bromance
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
