The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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