highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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